I CAN MOONWALK!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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