the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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