U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
