Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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