So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
