Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
