Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
