can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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