Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
