I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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