So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize