his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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