That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
