sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
