Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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