Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize