WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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