a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
