I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
