Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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