Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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