I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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