i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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