I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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