He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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