we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
