That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
