god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
