I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
