next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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