I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
