If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
