Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
