Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
