I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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