She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
