Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize