You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can't put those talents on a resume
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
