How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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