hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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