and you said cock pushups were impossible
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize