all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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