i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
