I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
