alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
