The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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