I'm really into asian looking animals
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
