I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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