You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
