i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
love makes seman taste better
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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