they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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