you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
