We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize