He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Life is so much better after having sex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
