I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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