checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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