I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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