just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
