She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
