i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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