the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
birth control should be required to get into college
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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