i just had sex bonerless
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
