I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
