It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
