We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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