just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
its not stalking. its research.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
