i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
