My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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