We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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