that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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