You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
