Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
